The Possibilities of a First
by Tordyy -El Tord
Summary: His father once told him "Everything had a first, one can always start over with a first." It hadn't made much sense to Ikuto at the time, yet he nodded and smiled at his father like he did. Now, he understood. She filled his heart with love and sympathy.


Ikuto stood on the platform on the Eiffel Tower. Leaning his forearms on the steel rail; he let out a sigh. A small smile played on his face, his phone loosely in his grip, and the wind marring his hair. He had just got off the phone with Amu, the first time he called her since he's been gone. Even though he was miles away, teasing her was just as fun as always. However, it wasn't quiet the same. He didn't get to see her blush (He had it memorized), he didn't get to sneak up on her (Although, he manged to surprise her with a phone call), He didn't get to touch her (he didn't really have an answer to this. Then there was Tadase-sun. He was like a little brother to Ikuto and Ikuto loved him as such.

Yet, they were in love with the same girl. Not entirely, Ikuto thought. He only loves Amu when she transforms with Ran. One good thing about being a part of Easter; you can tell when people are telling a small white lie, when they are being flat out dishonest, and when they are utterly, completely lying about everything. He was reminded of beings stuck in that closet while he had to listen to Tadase win Amu's heart.

"_Not a peep." Amu muttered darkly. Confused, but to tired to fight back all Ikuto did was stare back completely lost. As she shut the door Yoru gave him a questionable look and Ikuto shrugged. He squirmed uncomfortable for a few seconds. He stopped to her Amu entering her room again. He was stuck with his back against the left wall, his knees stuffed up against his chest, and his arms squished between the wall and door. Yoru sat on his knee, enthusiastically peeking an eye threw the small crack._

_Ikuto did not listen for most of the conversation. He did not care. Yoru screwed around with them a little bit. It was slightly amusing. Then he heard it, Tadase confession,_

"_Even as I am, will you let me love you?" It has shocked Ikuto. He wasn't expecting Tadase-sun to say something like that! He had never been that straight forward with things. Ikuto mentally wished Amu would say no. Her mouth opened,_

"_Of-Of course Tadase-sun!" And Ikuto felt his heart drop. The hurt in his eyes was unmistakable. However, nothing else on his face gave anything away. He had experience too much hurt to let it really effect him anymore. But, he hasn't felt something this heartbreaking in a while. Maybe when his dead left? Or when he found out he was chained to Easter forever? No, this was worse. It was the first time he had ever felt a true heartbreak._

Ikuto's heart ache at the memory. It wasn't fair, not one bit. He almost was childish enough to stomp out of the closet and tell Tadase-sun that he liked Amu first, for who she was. Ikuto was glad he didn't. Knowing Amu, nothing good would have came out of that. He did remember however, when jealousy did take over him.

"_Ready to go Amu?" Tadase-sun. He could her Amu giggle and just knew he was taking a hold oh her hand. Images of what his want-to-be lover's life wold be like with Tadase-sun gave him a frightful amount of hatred. His thin eyebrows knit into one, his eyes narrowed at the door way._

"_Where are you going? Amu told us to stay in here-nya!" Yoru howled in Ikuto's ear. Yoru flew around Ikuto's head numerous times before stopping when he reached the door._

"_That's quite a passionate confession for a little boy. What was is? Will you let me fall in love with you?" As soon as he said it, he didn't mean it. He wanted to take it back, but he was the bad guy. Easter's puppet, the pervert, the jerk, the black cat of misfortune._

_Amu had look upon him with so much hate, it made him hate himself. She told him to go and he could never refuse her. He took his only belonging and gathered Yoru away from Miki. At least one of them was loved by another in return. It was the first time he truly ever hurt someone on purpose._

That was right before he was kidnapped by those Easter goons. That was one of the worst memories he has ever head. Those days spent in that solitary confinement were exhausting and painful. He made sure to keep believing in Yoru, if anything happened to him, Ikuto would never forgive himself. When he was himself in that metal room all he could do was think. He hoped that Yoru was with someone who could take care of him.

The wind was a bit stronger now. It blew Yoru right off his shoulder. Ikuto let out a chuckle as Yoru went tumbling in the wind.

"Stop laughing-nya! Ikuto, help-nya!" The small character called out in desperation. Ikuto stretched his hand out and grabbed his guardian. Ikuto gave a gentle smile and pulled his hand back. Yoru latched onto his shoulder a little more tightly this time. The began to walk down the stairs, neither one in the mood for a transformation of change for a quick get away.

Yoru talked happily about nothing that really matter in his typical feverish self. His tiny body swayed as Ikuto walked down the streets of Pairs. The city of love and he was here alone. Possibly one day, he will be able to take Amu here. He saw a one of those tart things in a display window. He smirked as memories flooded to his mind.

_He could hear her crying from the hallway where Ikuto stood. Deep guilt bubbled in his chest. Damn Easter, look what he had done. Making adults cry he had no problem with, but when they asked him to start picking on elementary schoolers. However, she was not like other kids her age. She seemed older, by far much older. If it weren't for her lack of a chest and school uniform he would have never guessed she was a fifth grader. Here he is a junior in high school and picking on little kids._

_Then he made it worse my stealing her egg. There was only a green one left, maybe this was the embryo and if it was he could give it to Easter and leave for go. She jumped for her eggs that he held on one hand above his head. She knocked off his balance and they fell to the ground. She was underneath him, he arms length away. She had been so close that his cool mask fell to the heat of the gaze._

_She was blushing hard. He was lost for words as his eyes locked with hers. The honey orbs held him there for minutes. She was ridged underneath him. Flashes of inadequate things came to mind but he quickly banished those thoughts before something happened. A rush of something shot threw his veins at lighting speed. His heart beat a tad bit faster. Then her friend came in and nearly took his head off with her staff._

_As he Charater Changed he locked eyes with Amu one last time. He felt a slight rush again, but nothing like before. He jumped from the window to the safety of the ground. With his hands in his pockets and Yoru on his shoulder he strutted down the street. It was the first time he gave notice to his feelings for Amu._

Ikuto believes now that's when he first started to fall in love with her. He let out a full smile as he remember what he did that night in an attempt to make it up to her. He had bit her ear which to see her freak out was worth it.

"Hey-Hey Ikuto! Hey, are you listening to me?" A very frustrated Yoru demanded.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Ikuto asked, not really into the question. Yoru noticed this and let out a sigh. He gave up talking and closed his eyes for a cat nap. Ikuto walked until they got to a small park. He laid down in the grass. The time he ran into Amu and Tadase-sun at the park instantly came to mind.

_He was laying on the grass. Yoru was shouting for him to get up again. It seemed after the little person has his nap, it was time for everyone else to get up aw well. His mind was once again infiltrated with thoughts of Amu. He stood up to walk somewhere else, perhaps just lazy about somewhere else. Yoru was talking-again. Most of the time spent with the tiny cat was filled with him talking. Ikuto did not mind any. He enjoyed, for god sake, he'd never tell Yoru that. If he did; the cat would never shut up._

_He walked by a fountain only to see Amu sitting there with a strange expression on her face. He deiced to mess with her for a bit. He leaned down while she was still in some other world and licked her ice cream._

"_What-what are you doing?" She freaked. He chuckled and gave her a charming smile. A blush crept onto her face._

"_Oi, if you eat both those ice creams you'll get fat." It took every muscle in his face not to laugh at her expression._

"_Th-there not both for me! One if for Tadase! He just went to go wet his hanker chief to get this stain out." She stuttered. Ikuto raised an eyebrow, did Tadase fail to miss the gigantic water fountain right behind them? Ikuto had a little trouble believe he went to go find a water fountain. He teased her a little bit more, giving her suggestive glances, and flirting innocently enough. He really pissed her off this time. He went to kick him but ended up getting caught in the shopping bags. She fell into his lap. The rush he felt when they toppled over each other . His hands instantly went to her back and behind her upper leg. Ikuto must give Tadase points for astonishing timing. As the young boy stuttered, Ikuto wondered if it was a child think and tired to reflect his memory to see if he did the same thing._

"_The ice cream is dripping!" Amu exclaimed. An idea suddenly struck him fancy._

"_Lick the other side Amu." Before she could really process what he had said the were sharing an ice cream cone. Completely Cheesy, He thought, But smooth._

"_You don't mind if I eat your ice cream and Amu, Tadase-sun." He said smoothly. It caused Amu to blush immensely. The amount of joy he got from seeing his once kid brother and want-to-be lover all flustered and annoyed could not be measured. They just made it too easy. Before Amu, Ikuto could not remember having such fun around a girl. He never enjoyed Utau's company much and always found relief when they would play hide'n'seek. It was fun to fight with Tadase-sun. Ikuto realized something important. He became aware for the first time that Amu might be in love with Tadase-sun and not him._

Ikuto laughed at the good memory. However, a pang of sadness stung his heart. If they went on a date when he was there, what will they do when he wasn't? Fear coursed threw him. What if Tadase is her first kiss? Or worse, her first "It." Oh the possibilities of a first damn near killed Ikuto. Everything was a first at one point. Everything from breathing to the creatures that walk the Earth to illnesses to airplanes.

Ikuto had a plan, so he could be Amu's first. He did not want to be a pedophile, so he'd wait. Till she was in high school, possibly college to make his finally move. Until then he would take it Utau style and chase away any guy who posed a threat to his goal. Obsessive and stalkerish- indeed it was. Yet, when Ikuto really wants something, he'll have it. In this case he really wanted Amu. Although, the first time he confessed she didn't believe him.

"_There must be someone you love?" Amu whispered curiously in the dark. Ikuto breathed in a gulp of air. This was it, if he confessed, maybe she would too. He turned and closed his eyes._

"_I do, you."_

"_I hate lairs." With that she patted his head. She doesn't believe me? She doesn't believe me. SHE, he repeated in his mind, does NOT believe ME. Repeating that she did not hate lairs, she rolled over._

"_Guess I am the boy who cried wolf."_

_A few minutes pasted and he had the impulse to tell her he loved her again. Maybe if he did it more like Tadase-sun she would be okay with him loving her also. Then again, it wasn't in his character to confess things._

"_Hey?"_

"_Yeah?" Never-mind, he couldn't go through with this. It wasn't him, the day he stopped being tall, dark, and mysterious is the day he stopped being Tsukiyomi Ikuto._

"_Never-mind, Grow up will you." He commanded. The faster you grow up, the faster we can be together, Amu, He thought. For his plan to work she has to be seventeen or eighteen. His immense patients was thinning, he couldn't hold out much longer. This was the first time he thought that his plan might not have been the bet one._

Ikuto was having a hard time believe that no one but himself could hear Yoru's snoring. The roar of the little guardian was loud enough to keep Ikuto awake for the time being. A cold breeze past by and swept over the two cat-like figures. Yoru shivered and burrowed himself closer towards the older boy. Ikuto smiled fondly at Yoru glad to have him around. He turned his head towards the side to see an alley way. Ikuto closed his eyes, lost in the sweet memory of hi and Amu's first "Date".

_Those two men had violently beat Ikuto before he could character change. Dragging him off to an ally way and casting him in the shadows saying "He was just a dumb kid." Ikuto hated being classified as a kid. He may be only 17, but he could grantee he had more life experience then those to lowlifes. Did they have a guardian character that helped them search for a magical egg that can grant any wish a person wants to free themselves of an evil company that was run by their step-father while trying to protect the ones they love by hurting them? Ikuto highly doubts, then again he highly doubts anyone has worries or troubles like him._

_He sat there in the alley, redeem what was left of his pride and strength. He was weak, Yes. Getting kind of annoyed how Yoru was fanning over him as if he just go stabbed. Did he honestly look that bad? Ikuto's eyes were closed as he heard foot steps. They were light and even. Defiantly a female, He thought. He weakly opened his eyes to see Amu. Oh why did she have to see him when he was so weak and embarrassed._

"_Oh, it's you." He said in a cold voice. Hopelessly he thought maybe he can get her to leave it he was unacceptably rude to her. Obviously he was wrong when she came rushing over to him._

"_A-are you okay?" She stuttered, concern evident in her voice._

"_Don't be a pest, get lost." He muttered. Just kept being rude, He thought. As always she did just the opposite of what he told her to do. She knelt down and took a handkerchief out of her bag. Why she had a handkerchief randomly in her bag, he'd never know nor did he really want to. She began patting his face where there was bound to be a scrape or some blood._

"_Your so lame. To fight in a place like this." She told him gently. His gaze softened as he looked upon the pink hair girl. Her face was compassionate, an emotion only Yoru has shown to him in the recent years. She dabbed the cloth with a little more force, just to mess with her he pulled away sharply with an ouch. She instantly apologized and asked if he was okay. His will power failed him when he smirked out of amusement ruining his facade._

"_Just kidding." He murmured, grabbing her arm to hold her in place. She pulled away with brute force. She proceed to bang on his head repeatably. The punched momentarily threw him off balance. Falling forward into her lap he laid there, wanting to see her reaction. She was silent for a few minutes. Ikuto did not move an inch in that time. She petted his hair affectionately. He was enjoying himself, till she touched his ears. They had always been ridiculously sensitive. Having Amu stroke them left impure thoughts in his head._

"_Don't touch me in an erotic spot." He advised. Not unless your willing to pay the price, Dear Amu, He thought. She pulled away from him as if he were in fire._

"_Erotic?" She screeched._

_Pointing to his ears he stated "My ears are sensitive, just like yours." They both thought back to the night were Ikuto had bit her ear. He felt two hands on the side of his head. Slowly they lifted his head, then dropped it on the concrete. Pain shot across his forehead. His eyes flew open. He sat up, rubbed his head gently, as if the motion were to take the ringing out of his ear. Like he said, ridiculously sensitive._

"_What are you doing? That hurt."_

"_What was I thinking, being worried. Your fine if you can still sexually harass me."_

"_This is concrete you know. You really aren't cute." Instead of sitting there in his pain and rejection he stood up. He turned and said "Okay, follow me."_

"_Huh?" A questionable gaze is the answer he got._

"_Your house is this way, right?" He said as Yoru added, "He is going to walk you home."_

"_Whoa, I've never been down this street before." She stated. She looked at all the house. Her amber eyes trying to take everything at once as they made their way down the lighted street._

"_It's a shortcut." HE was lying through his teeth. Halfway walking home, he recognized the street and took a unexpected turn. He was going to bring her to one of his favorite childhood places. Somewhere his dad would take him all the time. Yoru sat perched on his shoulder, swaying happily as they walked. He lead her through many alley cat ways. She managed to get past most of them without a problem. She complained as she could not keep her balance on a fence._

"_I said it was a shortcut." He aid under his breath. Amu and her guardians were being peevishly loud. Ikuto jumped down from the fence gracefully while Amu clumsily fell. Yoru turned on the breaker and Ikuto explained how the power would come on._

"_It's amazing!"_

"_To bad they are going to tear it down." His gaze went north, to were the entrance was. Memories flooded through his mind like a river. "We used to come here all the time."_

_She was soon off with the little guardians. They went on everything while Ikuto sat back and watched. He did not feel like going on anything. He sat on a bench with a small smiled playing on his face. She really was cute when she let go and relaxed. It was their first date._

She did look rather cute that day. She was so trusting, so caring, so strong. Ikuto wished he could have been that strong. Maybe if he was he would have had a normal life and maybe he would have been able to take better care of Utau and his mother. It bothered him for weeks with no sign of an answer. However, Ikuto was never one to dwell on things for too long. His scared heart was damaged beyond repair. At least that's what he thought until Amu came. She filled his heart with love, sympathy, so many things his heart could hardly take it. It was Amu that filled his heart with a warm, yearning feeling for more of it. Call him high maintenance, but Ikuto hasn't felt that much love or wanting since his father left so many years ago. She showed him how to love again. Slowly, she began to heal the marks left on his heart.

To think it all started when he first saw her. The possibilities of a first never fail to amaze him. Like what his father once told him "Everything had a first, one can always start over with a first." It hadn't made much sense to Ikuto at the time, yet he nodded and smiled at his father like he did. Now, he understood. Easter had a first, X eggs had a first, so Ikuto can have a first. He can be the first in his family to admit he was wrong and start over. He could be the first male in his family to take the easy way and just get help. He could be Amu's first. However, first he needed to find his father. He stood up and started walking. As Ikuto's foot touched the ground, though it was not noticed, it was the first step he took to changing his life.

**Damn! -wipes sweat off forehead- I think I am gonna need a new keyboard at this rate. Please review, reviews are always nice.**

**Anything else... Let me think... No I don't believe there is.**

**Oh wait! Silly me! Tell how you all feel if I made this into a chapter story? **


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